fickle minds

Oh no, can’t sleep and it’s almost 10 now..

What’s bothering your mind in the night is often the things that you can’t let go during the day. For instance, when you see something that you like during the day, you tend to think about it during the night, that’s if you REALLY like that thing or person.

Feeling nothing is really something new to me. It’s like the world around doesnt exist but appears so real at the same time.

THere are times when you feel so lonely in this world that you start questioning your presence here…sometimes you even doubt it. Other times, you are like on top of the world, knowing that you have everything that you’ll ever ask for from this life. I certainly prefer to ponder on the latter… What’s the meaning to life if there’s no satisfaction?

I believe there are far greater things in life apart from romance and that the fulfillment that one can get is just something that cannot be described nor fixed.there are no impossibles in the world unless u tell yourself there is.

Being given the opportunity to study in Canada is beyond everything that i could ever ask for from my parents. Mommy dearest knows me the best and i’m truly truly grateful that she does. I just hope that in the near future, i will remember to remember all the things that she has done for me unconditionally..well maybe on one condition is that i dont marry an ang mo..haha..I dont know about you but i think the more you fear of something, the faster it will hit you…

Life is just a journey of decisions

Does your heart pump rapidly when you meet a guy of your dreams? OF course..but does it feel the same when you see a friend? perhaps that’s just abnormal.

Smiles can be dangerous as they are the main reason one is attracted to another. With merely a curve on the lips can indicate so many things. A grin is something that I’d definitely fall for, especially pearly whites..ish..that’s so stupid isnt it?

Spending time with people I’ve heard but not known of is an absolute eye opener. You realize the things that you’re missing for not socializing enough. I always fall in and out of LIKE very quickly…I feel that it is due to the insecurities and the fact that I have too much time on my hands.KNowing very well that these guys are not even close to the type of guys  I like, I know I only like them for a simple reason- companionship.

Judging on the outlook may not be the wisest choice but it certainly creates a spark. Getting to know a person more will stop me from liking him even more, that’s for sure. It’s just a complicated web..It’s better to be left alone than to figure it out..

Through a vast collection of biographies from all my beloved friends, this is what I can conclude about what they think of me…

The many things that people say about Amy Tan:

1.  Wonderful
2.  Thoughtful
3.  Caring
4.  Laughs like a SCHMUCK
5.  Rational
6.  Future Abusive wife
7.  Physically Strong
8.  Pink girl
9.  Schmuck
10. Helpful
11. Friendly
12. Sweet
13. Smart
14. Independent
15. Pink lover
16. Crazy Cute laughter
17. Creative
18. Epitome of Happiness
19. Pain in the A**
20. Nice
21. Brilliant
22. Attractive
23. Sampat
24. Pelajar yang baik
25. Ramah
26. Suka buat lucu
27. Cantik
28. Bubbly
29. Perfectionist
30. Open minded
31. Cute
32. Stylish
33. Crappy
34. Cheerful
35. Polite
36. Hot
37. Cool
38. Chun
39. Special
40. Good
41. Only girl who joins the guys during PE
42. Modest
43. Fun
44. Contagious laughter
45. Crazy
46. Sexy A** (according to people)
47. Active
48. Witty
49. Bold
50. Sporting
51. Artistic
52. Stunning
53. Hysterical
54. Compassionate
55. Sanguine
56. Happy
57. Gossip
58. Fun
59. Enthusiastic
60. Lover
61. Happy-go-lucky
62. Hardworking
63. Clever
64. Beautiful
65. Short
66. Perfect
67. Great Charisma
68. Good in communication
69. Wanted
70. Love to play football
71. Laughs too much
72. Knows how to enjoy life
73. Talented
74. Determined
75. Sense of humour
76. Joyful
77. Lovable
78. Naughty
79. Kind
80. Responsible
81. Naive
82. Teacher’s dream come true
83. Intelligent
84. Bright
85. Neat
86. Joker
87. Clown
88.Wonderful
89. Durian Cake Supplier
90. Laughable
91. Comel
92. Colourful
93. Lame
94. Spontaneous
95. Sociable
96. Optimistic
97. Outgoing
98. Ganas
99. Fun Loving
100. Scared of getting FAT

Phew~ That’s the last one..so yeah, this is what Amy Tan is all about… Do let me know ur opinion of me if you have other things to add on..lol

things may change through the course of time but feelings that grew will never fade away..at least for a long time.

when we first met, i remembered i shouted your name and you were pretty shocked about it. in the process i suppose, you grew fond of me. when things actually happened, i was so oblivious that i wasn’t prepared when you actually confessed to me. we hung out sometimes. you cared so much for me that i sometimes feel a pain in my heart. your excellent grades and remarkable performance in co-curricular activities made me realize your true potential.

letting go of something so important because of the words i say makes me wonder if you had made the right choice then. looking back, i see selfishness, insecurity, jealousy, possession, excitement, guilt, and perplexity. giving your all does not always mean you’re guaranteed to have at least a decent treat in return. in this case, it certainly didnt happen.

the one time when you came to me with some medication made me wonder if this is all worth your love and effort? trust being the most important element was lacking in our relationship, at least from my side of it. taking things for granted and ungrateful behavior was definitely present at that time.

all i can feel of now is regret, guilt, sadness, insecurity, lost and insincerity.

more often than not, it takes a while before we figure that somethings are good and what isnt. but very very often, it’s always too late.

anyway, all i’m asking for now is the chance to right the wrongs and that i am truly sorry for what i have done.

what does it feel like being alone? Having no one when all you need is a listening ear..closing the doors of popularity and opening the ones of loners and isolation.

so many friends yet none at the same time.

perhaps life is just funny. It’s all about fate and destiny. one minute you think you met THE ONE, the next minute, what do you know, he’s all snapped up by the sharks in the red ocean of love. Whatever it may be, it’s meant to be.

Knowing someone new never fails to amaze me. Getting to know my new friends is so fulfilling that it makes my life meaningful. loving someone can be blissful and painful sometimes. knowing that he will never love you the way you love him is one of the biggest disappointment one can face.

hoping to get hold of a piece of his heart-putting a knife into mine. staring aimlessly, praying that miracle would happen, knowing for a fact that things aren’t that simple and easy.

soft touch on your hips, sends you shivers, makes you cry, comforts you dearly, embraces your worries.

tall and strong, feeling warm, hold your hands, with the slightest grip and yet sensing the security, from within.

what is so special about men like you?

It’s a quarter to 12..so sleepy~

trying to keep myself awake by posting a blog.

I had 2 wonderful days so far, looking for the third.haha.greedy me..everyone only gets a special day every year but i got 2, 1 more coming tomorrow..hehe..

Friday was an amazing day. First miracle was the fact that i got to leave college early.very early.Then i actually got the opportunity to spend quality time with my girlfriends!! Had a great time there, shopping, scouting, hunting, peeping, whatever you wana call it. Went around to Spend, SPend and Spend!!! haha

that night, we watched Wild Hogs.haha..i could only hear my laughter in the entire cinema, how annoying of me but heck, i had the time of my life laughing from the beginning till the very end!

so today, i went out for lunch with adrian at the paddington house of pancakes. YuMmY~ the food was great, other than the olives..eww..that was..omg..unforgettable alright..yuck! other than that, considering i went to play volleyball in the morning, i was totally worn out by mid afternoon..

wonder how would tomorrow be like anyways? so sleepy, should i even wake up for yoga? i think i should, i’m getting lazy and FATTER..omg..bad bad..haha..

i shall brush my teeth now and sleep at 12 sharp..

best wishes to everyone out there !!! Have a great day on the 6th of MAY!!!

never knowing how it felt or what it would be like. finally understanding or at least knowing a little bit more kinda helps clear the air. i wonder if anyone ever felt like i do or think i do at this point of their lives.

there are times when things don’t turn out like we expect them to.oh they certainly don’t. but when you least expect a bad thing to be good, the more suprised you’ll be when it appears to be more than great.

knowing him makes me think twice about my life, of what i wish to do with it and how i would see my life in the near future. being optimistic at every possible moment even when he fell ill, makes me wonder who could be happier than this man?

constantly encouraging and motivating me although things were that good, triggers me to evaluate what a professional person he is. blaming himself for the mistakes of others ultimately turns him into a divine person.

lovely as he may sound, things are really complicated.

how do people actually learn how to give up? it certainly isnt easy but why is this thought bothering me for so long now? knowing for a fact that things are not turning for the better, why even bother to waste time, right?

life can be simple if you want it to be..don’t burden yourself with unnecessary worries that would pull you back from advancing..

Ever felt hopeless and useless at any time of your life? well i’m facing that right NOW.

Is academic achievement really everything in your life? It somewhat seems like it to me right now but i really don’t hope so…Knowing very well that there are so many other things in life that we have to pursue and cherish, i can’t help but feel a pang of despair when i was told of my mid term marks.Although it might not even matter when i continue my course at ADP..BUT BUT..sigh..i guess that’s just the fact that cannot be changed at the moment?

Silly to think highly about MARKS all the time, isn’t it? I should probably stop obssessing about getting perfect score or sth or i’ll just go bonkers.

Perhaps making friends would be much fun in this phase of life..

Maybe…Apart from that, I can’t help but get all excited when i think about taking a part time job at an art and craft shop! It somehow perks me up during a bad day..so i shall ponder on that thought when i’m feeling down..muaahahaha..

I’m still wondering, what is life all about?

WOW..it  has been like ages since i last BlOggeD..hehe.not really in the mood today but then ..lazy to study my Calculus. scrolling through my friends list.realized i had so many ‘friends’ on the list but none whom i really talk to.so is it sad to have so many friends but not one whom i can talk to or is it even sad to have no friends at all but one?

i really can’t figure that out.

college. nothing much going on other than the fact that i can’t really do well in my World Issues subject.breaks my heart. Trying real hard to excel.So far econs and calculus are manageable. I made a handful of acquaintances.MMm..Life is tough without friends but it’s tougher not to do well now and suffer later in life?

Considering the fact that i’m pretty lost in my education path, i really got no idea what i want to do. Am i not supposed to be focused and determined of what i want to do? Well..it really depends. Hoping that i’ll come to my senses..SOON enough.

Sitting alone at the cafeteria, staring into the blank space, the occasional passer by, rabs my attention for a split second and i realize how important is it to have friends. Not like i dont want to have any at the moment but am too tied down with the workload. perhaps this aint the best times to socialize too much as i know for sure it’s gonna affect my studies. moreover, taking all 3 dry subjects aint something easy.

Feeling empty deep within is simply awful. Seeing ppl who walk hand in hand, smiles plastered on their faces motivates me a little that there’s still hope in life.

This is the very first time that i find making new friends immensely difficult. Expecting everything to run smoothly like the past is merely gonna hurt me even more as i know life isn’t that simple after all.

How true is it that smart ppl deserved to be respected and admired?

Please enlighten me..

things arent always what they seem to be.

recently, i’ve been having what i could call the Amy’s Moodswing. the tiniest bit of not a problem problem i would find fault with, regardless of the person’s identity.

everytime when you think you have grasp the idea of a new thing, you lose it and lose it bad.

it’s very depressing to think and hear of people who have given up on life. knowing that you can’t do a thing about it to ’save’ ur loved one is something that i feel hopeless about. as much as you want that person to live for themselve, they’re unwilling to have a little faith in life itself. so where’s the point in that?

seeing life in a total different perspective has really taught me something that cannot be denied-live now and forget about the past while enjoy the surprise of tomorrow. i hope everyone will start loving themselves and live for themselves!!!